Seeking..

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Till now you asked if I ever given you the last chance?
I hope you look into the mirror on whats engrave on our neck... If i have not given u the last chance why did I do it?
Yes I love the pain, but I can always put my name or what so ever..

Simple things just by saying who took the group picture you have to lie is a paaser by when i knew who is the one taking it.. wth?
just admiting u did smoke as u are stress that day is so hard as well?
every single thing even tiny lil stuff u have to lie? and u have the nerves to ask me is my Last chance a sincer one?

I told you things won't be the same as my tolerance level of you goes way down even down to hell.. I advise you to set me free but i tell myself is ok.. last chance Devon just last chance.. everything will be ok just breath..

all you did is to shatter me once again and again.. so what you treat me good and i am throwing temper at u ever so often when u are acting like a werido.. well i cant be bother untill people came knocking on my door asking me about u.. yea FUCK THE WORLD but still i cant shut their mouth by telling me the truth of you! only if you admit when i ask everything will not be so dark now..

Is numb now.. I don't feel my toe...
Death won't solve a shit.. I need to find a way to vent..
I just wanna be alone..

XII™

9/30/2008 07:16:00 AM

Monday, September 29, 2008

I have not blog for long but each time i blog why must it be violent or extravagant?!
I tolerate, i hold on and bite my teeth against each other till my gums turn blue....

It sucks and I have said a million times, you are fucking weird..
Is it so hard for you to do things right?
Pls spell the darn word "secure" and do u truely understand this fucking word?

I guess the whole idea of your secure is to tie a person up by the hands and leg rather then showing the other person in your r.s that you are someone she can depend on with no doubts..

I fucking hate it for fuckup 2 years i am still guessing what i put myself onto..
Is a stage for 2 but i am handling all the press and you are under the lime light looking holy?!
You appear like you're the most pitiful and most harmless creature on this god dame world to everyone and let me handle situation from you friends which you given them fuck up info about me?! when i kept quiet about u to the press you trash me down like some lowlife garbage..
(simple eg. you told all your fren fuck up lies u made up and they came after me asking about us when i simply swallow the whole god dame situation u stab upon me!)

FOR THIS DARN 2 YEARS !!! i am still trying to know you...
to me you are more then a friend but as well as a stranger whom i am afraid of what lies behind your mask..
I have the "danger lurks within you" kinda feeling..

Guess I wont go into detail on what kinda weird thingssssss you have done, I sincerly hope you still remember! I am not like you who speard some fuck up info around and let your fans chase after me asking why i did this and that when things are so twisted by the way u tell them.. All the good things of yours and all the shit i did.. does that truely make u a holy man???

Status *tired* I feel the last bit of air drain out from my lungs..

XII™

9/29/2008 10:15:00 AM

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Da jie

Er Jie

Woot!! is been soooo long ever since i last met them out together... this feels so much like 2 years ago lol... I sld say is some pain killer to ease my pain jus by being with them lolx. . . well alot of pic is still with er jie as her phone was flat =.= and she is holding the most poweful cam so well waiting and yea I AM WAITING AND WILL GUANT HER for the pic we 3 took together..

well first of all we went to blk 820 to eat.. well wanton mee for me and da jie and er jie eat dim sum =p well as usual i cant finish my food dammit.. ok to calculate is been like 9days i ever poo poo so i am filled with toxic i my body =.=

well we then head to air port for cake as da jie is craving for CAKE lol so we went coffee bean and good for us there is sofa seats XD lol i am too bloated by food that i cant even drink so i was offered honey stick!! lol my first time eating its like sour apple flavour i guess.. well is nice and i kinda wanna get somemore next time when i am out shopping =p then chit chat and taking picssss..

the hotel in airport XD

lol ok and here we are as er jie say we must find an Auspicious place to take the pic of the 3 of us tgt =.= so here we are... and yea I WILL BE WAITING FOR THE PIC!!! lmao..

oh well for all good things come to an end and hell begins at home =.= my dad was super piss off as i was like screaming over the phone with clarence as i am super unhappy.. i tired to put up a smile and happy mood when i am out with my sis and he is flooding me with all his smses..

dude all the sms u say i fucking hurt you by going out?!?!? i hurt u when i didnt tell you who i am with?!?!? omg do i even have to report to u who i am out with and where i go??? do i?? when we are already in this status?? you already went out enjoying yourself and when i got home u are still enjoying yourself outside... when i dont bother why sld u??

you came by my house and my dad wasnt please.. well trust me he wld have wack u if i never stop him seriously... he knows i am unhappy and his health is already not good these days.. pls u already did so much to me pls leave my parents alone...

i calm my dad down and asked u to the room to speak to u.. i hope things are all sort out.. you wanna wait i can force a knife on your throat saying you cant.. you asked me if i wld give u a chance in future i cant even ans ur que as i dont even know how long will i live to see the sun.. I bet you know my health condition?

all i can say is, i do belief everyone can change.. you dont need to be my bf to prove it.. you can always prove to me as a friend.. at least if u fain this time round i wun be hurt as much as u are my bf... i aready given u alot of chances and 2 last chance? so what now some final chance?? if you will change, you will.. so dont threat me by taking drug, just because i cant ans your que of weather we will have the chance to be tgt in future..

I REALLY DONT KNOW... all i know is.. if i cld predict something so well.. i wld rather we not start.. I know is painful for you... but do you know how painful is it for me as well to uncover every single lie of yours?

XII™

9/14/2008 03:42:00 AM

Thursday, September 11, 2008

I just fucking hate you!!!
Clarence Ang which nerve of yours is spoilt?
Cant you just let me study in peace and talk after exam TODAY...

I had enough of your nonsense.. I cant concentrate!
I hate you more then anything!

There is nothing more to talk about and thats my last words to you..
I am not going to repeat this again:
''Dude you asked me like 50 over times to get back together and 100 over times to forgive you. but sorry I can't. This is the end, when i found out the ugly truth of you i hate you to the bone. You not only lie to me but decive all my friends, buddies and sisters. We worried when you MIA in Hong Kong but what we found out is you went there with you wife.''

we are already together at that point of time already close to 4th mth together and i got to found out only when we gonna hit 2 years, sorry i can't take the fact i was two time and when we are god dame worry about u not contacting us, you are screwing your wife happily in Hong Kong shopping all day long. You said you bought us including me and my sis gifts!! but where are they? Till today you told me you lost the gift. So what am I to u? you bring your wife there and told me you were on sepration with her and u lost my gift?! what the fark is this... and for god sake you randomly took a pic online and show me thats the pendant u wanna give me.

I am telling you idiot!!! This is Miss Devon Song i uphold my name up high and not for you to step on.. You wake up a sleeping dragon and dont blame her for spitting fire at you now.. Yes you can tell a million people you are hurt and so? what damage have you done to me?

One after another lie and you forget what you lie on.. oh please try harder or record ur lies down.. as you had too much!
for all i know our r.s is nvr been two years.
i felt cheated and being two time and i fucking hate it.
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

LEAVE ME ALONG FUCKING TWO TIMER

YES THATS YOU CLARENCE ANG

XII™

9/11/2008 09:11:00 AM

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Can I leave the past behind and start life anew?

Memories with you are filled with black and white with no trace of colourful happiness..

Here I am once again back to square one =.=

I dread this feeling, 12th we will be 2 years and yet....

I found out the ugly truth at the most recent days..

You tried to break up my friendship with my friends when they help you to lie to me, by saying is their fault that they want to make us quarrel. but the fact is you polt and ask them to lie with you..

Added my girl-friends on msn and said they added you.. Make me turn over with my sis when shit happens.. then for all i know is you added them.. Flirt around on msn message my friends 'can i be friend with you' and told me is your cousin.. excuse me i am already your gf at that time wtf! when my real life guys frens or my bothers add me on friendster u make a big hoo ha over it and now what have you done?

You went Hong Kong with your wife and said you went alone to attend a wedding which is what i found out yesterday. Remember the day i waited for 2hours at 1am to 3+am downstair your house as you wanted to see me before u depart from singapore? and all you did is mia me and did not came down and not even a text sms till later.. Thats why you went mia in hong kong right!!! till my godsis clarrisa have to text you!!!

Last chance? Confession?

you said i am cruel...

but.. look at what you done.. the ones that i mention is only what i found out like within this week..

how much more do i need to find out?

how much more lies had you made?

how much things you had not confess?

I cant trust you anymore... is too much lies.. just look back at our r.s things you lied have always had things to do with girls..

Now you have your freedom and you are divorce..

I wish you the best..

YEs i said if you confess i will forgive you..

but the hong kong trip i knew it long ago.. ever since 1year + ago u went hong kong i had been asking u if SHE go as well you said no.. untill yesterday i said i will show u the wedding pic with you and HER in it.. then you admit to it..

so define confession? i dont think you confess but admit to what you cant hide anymore..

so i didnt break my promise that i will forgive...

I hope after you read this, is time for you to let me go..

We will just be normal friends rather then couple..

I hate having to find out what happens all the time..

yes past is past but the past is when we are together and within our short r.s of 1year+ not even 2yrs r.s...

honey moon season? nope, i had been suffering hell..

''thanks for everything''

XII™

9/09/2008 02:29:00 PM